things are heating up...

so i have this weird obsession with being first on your lists...i think i'm like 8th or so on Amy's list right now and that will just not stand.

we are officially on the wedding countdown...in 45 minutes it will be August...which means that 16 days from now...i will be wed.

its starting to hit me how different things will be in 16 days. i mean my life will change and never be how it was. this isn't just seasonal...meaning this time of my life won't come around again...it's just big CHANGE. it's will revolutionize, uproot, and rearrange my world. i'm pumped for it, but man, this is an undertaking. it is really easy to prioritize very insignificant things at this point. the other day i had to kick myself as i spent 2.5 hours looking for honeymoon attire. I mean, really? it's not like i'm going to be naked (and everyone laugh at the innuendo i'm NOT making)...meaning i have clothes to wear. but with realizing the intensity of this life transition, i think i will be more inclined to the more significant things. like understanding the complexity of the marriage covenant. being aware of how now, my sin and flesh affect another, since we are one. learning to encourage more than criticize. learning that as much as this man knows me, he can never really know me like the Father. learning that Tommy only knows as much as I tell him. digging into the Word and discovering that God's divine romance models perfectly how we are to treat one another. learning to extol and respect my man like the Shulamite maiden respects and honors Solomon in Song of Songs. relinquishing my rights again and again.

it's been such a revelation of grace though. on two points specifically:
1. We know each other well...past yucky stuff, present struggles, future dreams. Though he has seen my flesh for what it is...gross and raw and sinful...he loves me...and he is enabled to love me because of the Father's love. if he can love in spite of and through that stuff, HOW MUCH MORE does my ABBA love me?
2. I don't think I will ever feel "ready" to be a wife...I look back to the summer, or even past 7 months and say "man I wish I had prayed more on this...or read more on this...or studied more of this...or listened to God more on this..." And yes, maybe my performance could have been better in some places, but I will never be ready and perfect and perfectly well-read and well-prayed. But oh His grace, will help me through the places of weakness and imperfection. so I don't have to fear.

in other news, it is HOT. and i have an outside wedding. I have held out hope all summer, because it has been relatively mild. last week, it got HOT. nasty, mucky, texas HOT. I am now scared.

God...85 degrees...and a breeze. and maybe rainfall say 4 days previous?

goodnight!