Grief

I feel like I'm going through a grieving process. For me, the biggest difficulty with this new nutrition program is that I still am not 100% committed to wanting a change. And it is not like I'm casually choosing to eat "healthy".

This is CHANGING. MY. LIFE.
Forever.

Part of me knows the benefits of eating clean FAR outweigh anything gained from a "regular" diet. THAT part wants to get to the place where I don't want to put junk in my body and craves proper fuel.

But there is still the part of me that doesn't want to lose "good" food. See, one of the effects of removing the bad stuff from your diet is that you lose your taste for it, you can't handle the effects of it and no longer want it. Which is great. Except right now, I still want to want pizza. Hamburgers. Cookies. PASTA.

And so here I am resenting the decisions I am making daily because I know they will essientially kill my desire for the foods I am not eating. We have a faculty meeting once a month. If your birthday is in that month, you get a cookie from Paradise Bakery at the end of the meeting. Today, I had to pass up my once a year opportunity for my cookie. That made me sad.

I have some decisions to make people, some questions to ask myself.

Do I really want to change? I tell myself I want optimum health, optimum physical ability, optimum energy and quality of life. Do I want it bad enough to stick it out and change for good? Do I have the strength for it? Do I have the strength to DAILY choose to ignore the foods I once loved? Do I have the strength to go to a holiday party or a wedding and push around the potatoes on my plate, or let that delectable little hor'dourve pass me by, or turn down that piece of cake? Do I WANT to have that strength?

This is just a little honest glimpse of where I am right now. Haven't cheated yet. I haven't found anything worth it.

Day 4

Well, I didn't have a chance to make a post yesterday so here is a little catch-up.

Day 4 (Thursday)

I ate:
2 hardboiled egg whites, banana
almonds
shrimp
guacamole
mixed veggies (from night before)
apple
dinner last night?
Yup, Mi Cocina. Sans chips, tortillas, rice and beans. We both got the 50-50 fajitas and we have found that Mi Cocina will sub sauteed veggies in lieu of rice and beans. The pico and guac they serve on the side is just fine as well. It was yummy and I ate my ENTIRE meal, which is not something I normally do with a fajita dinner.

Then I made dessert: Cinnamon apples.

Saute sliced and cored apples in some coconut oil till soft and starting to brown. Add preferred amount of cinnamon and nutmeg (the recipe I was using said to use apple pie spice but I don't have that at home) and saute for a couple more minutes. Serve up nice a warm.

We added a little splash of unsweetened coconut milk in ours and it made a nice little juice at the bottom of the bowl.

Energy? My workout was stellar. Got up at the right time, killed the workout, used a heavier weight than I have before. Hubs and I are both finding that we don't get that early afternoon downer that you usually get sometime after lunch. And I'm in a great mood when I get home from work.

Hunger? Yup, it was the grains...didn't feel like a starving child waiting until lunch this time since I had the eggs. There was cake in the teacher workroom...but I resisited. I told myself that if I cheat on this diet it wouldn't be for a sheet cake from Kroger.

Day 3

I wanted cheese.


But I ate:
plain oats, coconut milk
banana
cocktail shrimp
cucumbers (prepped with oil and vinegar)
guac from dinner yesterday
iced tea
a LOT of raspberries
cinnamon flank steak with mixed veggies (forgot to take pics...but it wasn't too complex...just a some cinnamon and ginger sprinkled over the steak)

Energy? Slept GREAT. No workout this morning. But energy has been up up up all day.


Hunger? I got REALLY hungry for lunch. That's when I started wanting cheese. It is likely that I am getting so hungry for lunch due to the insulin-spiking grains in the morning. Gotta work on that.

Still wasn't too hard on Wednesday. Feeling really good.